Write Your Wrongs
PediatRx | 09 | Reflect. Reframe. Repair.
“They say communication save relations, I can tell
But I can never right my wrongs unless I write 'em down for real”
— Poetic Justice | Kendrick Lamar feat. Drake | GKMC
Society puts immense pressure on Fathers to serve the family unit.
One, as protectors. Dads must step into the line of fire. It is and always will be our moral obligation, to serve as the rock and foundation, holding everything together.
Second, as providers. Not just financially. Modern Dads, especially, are tasked with displaying empathy, compassion and emotional fluidity. It’s no longer just the Mother’s role to tend to the child’s emotional needs. In the end, it’s a win for all.
Juggling it all is a lot of pressure. I felt it in December 2020, before the arrival of my firstborn. And I still feel it today, often putting on a brave face for the wife and kids while suffering amidst inner turmoil and angst.
Most days I struggle to strike the balance between vulnerability and strength.
Fortunately, I’ve found a constant companion and confidant to help: my journal.
Reflect. Reframe. Repair.
I don’t have much spare time, between the kids and my wife, balancing business with creative projects. However, in moments of stillness, I open my journal and turn my attention inward. Doing so has taught me my greatest strength isn’t suppressing my vulnerability — it’s learning to express and carry it with grace.
Reflection is the key. Writing is something you do for yourself, not for others. Embrace the process of discovering your inner workings, your pain, struggles and conflicts. At first, you’ll focus on the negatives. Guilt. Fear. The wrongdoings and mistakes that mark your past. However, slowly, your pen transforms into a chisel.
Through reframing, you begin to chip away at the surface of the rock. Sculpting and scraping at the edges create cracks in the foundation, revealing openings into your soul but providing the space and air necessary to begin the process of restoration.
Each time you come back to this process of repairing and healing, the closer you get to carving out the distinction between strength and vulnerability. Between being a protector and being present. Between being a father and being human. Understanding that regardless of what happens, the ups and downs, successes and failures, as long as you continue to show up and give your all, everything else will fall into place.
In the end, your child doesn’t need you to be the perfect Dad. They just need you to try your best. In the pages of your journal, you might just find the space to do just that.
So take the challenge. Write your wrongs. If not for yourself, for your child.
Thanks for reading.
This post is dedicated to my dear friends, J.T.S.P. Thanks for your constant support. You’re about to begin an incredible journey, I know you’ll rise to the occasion. Much love.
SG
If I told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room, would you trust it?
I mean, you need to hear this
Love is not just a verb, it's you lookin' in the mirror
Love is not just a verb, it's you lookin' for it, maybe
Call me crazy, we can both be insane
A fatal attraction is common, and what we have common is pain.
— Poetic Justice | Kendrick Lamar feat. Drake | GKMC
“PediatRx” is written by Dr. Shawn Gill, PharmD - a pharmacist and Father of two boys. During the day he works as a clinical pharmacist in family medicine and pediatrics, with a focus on deprescribing and helping his patients reduce their medication needs. At night, he writes this Substack. “PediatRx” is a collection of personal anecdotes and contemplative musings, crafted into a practical “prescription” for parents. The goal is to share insights, foster hope, and inspire fellow parents to raise and nurture resilient children, in the modern world. To support this effort, subscribe below. Many thanks. SG
Thank you for this incredibly generative effort!
To "Reflect, Reframe, Repair" I would add and extend: Re-witness. And then I would say: "Writing Your Future Rights".
In the inter-generational chain many of us men are the first self-conscious father-parent. And often our partners are not. And they cannot feel the internal psychobiographical gaps we are wordlessly struggling with. In this wordless aloneness we the newbie father-parent is his own first witness. It is through this witnessing that the enactments of writing did that my intentions could imagine their activities. The journal writing did languaging* for my desires to be a father-parent in the image of the love I felt in my heart for my daughter.
[*Languaging “refers to producing language, and, in particular, to producing language in an attempt to understand - to problem-solve - to make meaning.” (A.L. Becker (1991)
Becker, A. L. (1991). A short essay on languaging. Research and reflexivity, 226234.]